Not a Gay Top, Bottom, or Vers. Are You a Side?

Blogger Alexander Cheves, Beastly, writes, “The prevailing gay doctrine says we are divided into three sex roles—top, bottom, and versatile. But there are whisperings of a fourth sex role for queer men, or at least some queer writers trying to establish one.”

So you are not a top or a bottom…well, are you a “side?”

Cheves hits on a quiet revolution that has been brewing in gay bedrooms for years: dismantling the assumption that penetrative anal sex is the mandatory centerpiece of queer intimacy. For far too long, guys who simply don’t enjoy topping or bottoming—whether due to physical anatomy, past discomfort, bathroom prep fatigue, or basic personal preference—felt like broken outsiders in a culture obsessed with penetration. Claiming the “side” label isn’t a demotion or a cop-out; it’s an empowering declaration that mutual masturbation, passionate oral, deep kissing, body contact, and kink can easily form the main event rather than just the warmup act.

Giving a formal name to this dynamic also lifts a massive amount of performance anxiety off modern hookup culture and dating apps. When you clearly state you’re a side, you skip the high-stakes negotiation over douching routines, prostate readiness, or staying hard under pressure, creating room for an encounter built on genuine, equal attunement. Whether you live strictly as a side or simply weave it in as an occasional change of pace, expanding beyond the rigid top/bottom script reminds us that pleasure doesn’t have a singular destination—it’s about finding what feels incredible for both bodies in the room.

Read more of this informative article from the Love, Beastly blog.

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Tuesday September 28, 2021