Why Straight Men Fuck Other Men

In his book, Still Straight: Sexual Flexibility among White Men in Rural America, University of British Columbia assistant professor of sociology Tony Silva investigates why some men who identify as straight have sex with other men. The book is published by NYU Press and also available on Amazon.

Throwing caution to the wind, Dr. Silva marched into white rural America and somehow found his research subjects: 60 men who have sex with men (MSM) who identify as straight.

Um, ok, the BB Team is pretty sure that most any gay boy coming from the rural cornfield towns of Nebraska or ranches of Wyoming would claim the same while living there? If only to keep from getting beat up or ostracized?

Dr. Silva mentions that, “It involves two related but separate issues: first, why men identify as straight if they have sex with other men, and second, why straight men would have sex with other men in the first place.”

He also found that, “The majority of men I interviewed were primarily attracted to women, not men. So why would they have sex with other men?”

Dr. Silva’s research uncovered one big reason: Skirting around cheating. Tom, a 59-year-old from Washington, explained: “I kind of think of it as, I’m married to a nun.” He continued: “For me, being romantic and emotional is more cheating than just having sex.”

Ryan, a 60-year-old from Illinois, felt similarly. He said: “Even when I have an encounter now, I’m not cheating on her. I wouldn’t give up her for that.”

So, while adulterous extramarital sex with women would be terrible for their marriages, extramarital sex with men was not as much of an issue. “Most men had not told their wives about their extramarital sex, however.”

Is there a difference between homosexual and gay? Do you think the MSM are really heterosexual, or in the closet, or in deep denial? Is sex with men irrelevant to their identity?

Beyond rationalizing fidelity, Silva found that many of these men separated physical sensation from romantic desire. For them, sex with another man was viewed as purely transactional—a low-friction physical outlet that bypassed the emotional investment, dating etiquette, or perceived vulnerability they felt was required when pursuing women.

Furthermore, Silva highlighted how deeply rooted cultural identity is in rural settings. To these men, being “straight” wasn’t simply a strict metric of sexual exclusivity; it was defined by their overall lifestyle—being family men, holding traditional blue-collar or rural values, and maintaining primary romantic attraction toward women.

To protect that identity, many enforced rigid rules during hookups, such as strictly avoiding kissing, cuddling, or any emotional connection, allowing them to compartmentalize the physical act while keeping their heterosexual identity intact.

Featured image by S Photos | Shutterstock
Cover image courtesy of Tony Silva | NYU Press

Tuesday August 2, 2022