Older Gay Gentlemen Offer 15 Life Lessons


...To their younger gay counterparts

Admittedly, most of us probably go to Queerty for other pictorial reasons, not to learn life lessons; hopefully we go to Bottom Basics! Anyway, this article by David Hudson is an exception and exceptional. Younger or older, can your life change in 15 lessons? Maybe!

This seemingly simple list of 15 short advice responses by older, wiser gay gentlemen covers love, life, sex and relationships; while some may be taken with a grain of salt, most of these are thoughtful, wise and make you think about yourself. The BB Team didn’t know what category to put this in so Lifestyle it is.

For a sampling, here’s #1: Don’t forget your friends. “When you are dating, don’t forget to maintain your close friendships. Friends often endure beyond romantic relationships. But they too require nurturing and maintenance.” (Dominic Davies, of UK-based Pink Therapy).

And #2: “Don’t be embarrassed to tell sex partners what you like doing in bed, or to ask for the sex you want. As gay men, we’re often taught to feel ashamed of our sexual desires, and that can leave many of us forever challenged when it comes to saying what we do and don’t enjoy.” (Anon.).

For the rest, click the Queerty link button below.

We cannot be certain that the freedoms and rights we enjoy now will continue unless we remain vigilant. We deal with our challenges more effectively when we learn from the generations that came before us.

Please don't just look at the life lessons. Yeah, the BB Team has so much time on our hands that we read the Comments section.

While we agree that many Queerty articles generate snarky comments and nasty anti-gay trolls, in this case take a look at the many thoughtful, well-written comments and ancedotes by Queerty readers, including:

Woteva responds in part, “I just wish I’d had a ‘fairy godfather’ to help me through my early years–but I coped, always relying on my gut feelings about individuals when we met for the first time. Fortunately, my instincts have rarely been wrong. The biggest and best piece of advice from the contributors above (I think) is this: Be true to yourself. Don’t live your life just to please someone else because life is too short and a guy with a ‘magnificent dick‘ is rarely a keeper in the love stakes.”

John Michael Vore (Informatics411) recommends, “Learn to be an individual. ‘Always in a group’ is a frightening mindset to someone from my era. Back in the day there were 2 main gay problems to solve: 1) Thinking you were the only one. 2) Then being overwhelmed with how much sex you could have if you wanted it. There were auxiliary problems: not having a ‘gay group’ to fold into, having limited choices about how to be gay, not being open at work etc., being raised in an environment so toxic that the only people who survived were married-closeted with money and gay-closeted with money, both looking for discrete young adults who were…looking for money. Healthy ‘role models’?”

Your Dad commented, “My father told me just before his death that he regretted living his life to please his dad…He told me to not intentionally hurt people, but to live a good life that was right for me and to not care about pleasing society or parents, because it won’t happen…He didn’t realize this until too late, but wanted me to know.”

Nunya posts, “I wish I had someone tell me that I was under no obligation to come out. No need for a declaration. No need for a ticker tape parade. Just live your life unapologetically with no excuses or explanations for anyone. I also wish someone told me that there was more than one way to be gay – that gay men weren’t all caricatures of women or hyper masculine Tom of Finland types – that the vast majority fell somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.”

Barkomatic responds to Nunya with an equally good “This is so true. Even today, it seems gay people are encouraged to set up conversations with family and friends where they state they are gay and then take questions and criticism like it’s a press conference. Now, I think it’s better to just live your life — and if say your best friend wants to talk about seeing you hold someone’s hand then let *them* initiate the conversation.”

View the full article:


Mature men surfboarders. Featured image by Sam Wordley | Shutterstock
Bearded man in cowboy hat. Image by Leroy_Skalstad | Pixabay
Smiling old man in hat. Image by Chevanon Photography | Pexels
Bearded man in fedora. Image by Kevin Bidwell | Pexels
Two senior men embracing. Image by Lightfield Studios | Shutterstock

Thursday October 14, 2021


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