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Bottom Basics - Douche Story

A River Runs Through It

Have you heard the story about the bottom on the NYC MTA Subway who hit a little snafu one evening while traveling on the D train? So the story goes that a 20-something Manhattanite had a hot date one evening in the boonies of Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. This guy, we’ll call him Chris, had met his date, Paul, at a bar the week before, and that night would need their first official date.

Chris, of course thinking he would possibly get some and may be invited to sleep over—-especially seeing that he was traveling an hour on a subway train—-decided he would prepare for the night as meticulously as he could. After all, he wanted to impress Paul. Therefore, that afternoon, when embarking on his pre-sex grooming ritual—-Douche, Shower, and Shave—-he went the extra mile. Chris was going to be ready for big night ahead of him!

So, he begins his ritual. Nails clipped, eyebrows plucked, teeth brushed. And, soon enough it was time for this douche. He turned on the water until it was a little warm, filled up his bottle, and went about his business. But, then, after his first douche, he was still feeling a little unclean and unconfident. “I should douch several more times,” He thought, “just to be safe.” So, he continued over and over, water in and water out–all of this until water was flowing as clear as Dasani. “Clean as a whistle,” He thought, and he felt a little tingle of excitement knowing the big gift he would be receiving later that night.

Fast forward an hour, and Chris boards the D train on his way to Bensonhurst. The train was only half packed, so he spreads out and starts playing a game on his phone. About halfway through the trip, however, he starts to feel a little rumble in his tummy. He didn’t think anything of it at first and continued on with his game. But, after a few more minutes, he knew something wasn’t right. He thought to himself, “Oh my God, this can’t be happening!” And, before he could finish his thought, a lava flow of water started flowing endlessly down his leg!

Now, I’m not sure if this story is real or an Urban Legend, but it’s something to think about the next time you are preparing for the big event. Douche all you need to our want to, but sit tight on that toilet until you know 100% that all that water is out! For a clear accident can be just as devastating as a brown one!

As always, getting to the bottom of it 🙂

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