Adult film star and kink educator Dolan Wolf writes, “The first time I heard about fisting, I thought: No. No, no, no. Never going to happen. But ten or so years later I was playing with a really, REALLY hot guy, and he really wanted to fist me. I really wanted to give him what he wanted, so I gave it my best shot, but I just wasn’t ready. I decided I never wanted to be in that situation again—so badly wanting to give a sexual partner something they want me to give them, but absolutely unable to.”

Wolf explains, “Like all kinds of sex, it’s partly mental and partly physical. Part of what can make kink so attractive is that you’re deviating from what people think of as ‘appropriate’ or ‘right.’ There’s an exotic and erotic power to it. You’re fueled by a desire to push your desire as far as you can. A huge part of it for me—especially in the beginning—was the mind fuck of ‘I’ve got someone’s fist in my ass!'”

Matter-of-fact expert advice from the San Francisco AIDS Foundation, delivered tongue-in-cheek. Or maybe fist-in-cheeks.